by Walt O'Hara
This is one of our local mini-cons set up for a day of hardcore gaming at low, low cost. We were in the basement of the Tyson's Westpark, Mclean, Va.
I'm working on a LA GRAND CIRQUE DU WABASH for Historicon, but didn't have nearly enough terrain ready for that (I've discovered I don't have a lot of green grass terrain items... one of the results of running events set in a semi-arid environment for 5 years or so). The map was PRETTY much the same as the Cold Wars race: See The Main Replay Page, though I lacked Dave Markley's excellent grandstand or bridge. So the visiting dignateries hung out in front of the race administration building (an ERTL shack), right at the start line, and the creek from the previous race became an alkali flat (lose 1" of movement crossing).
As you can see, it's the same bunch as last time.
Things I did differently: I didn't run the Birdman, the model needed repair. I ran a couple of new models, including the Entwhistle Steam Trousers, the first "Walker" used in LGC. I rolled for wind direction AND speed every three turns, and the results affected ALL fliers OR Wind Powered vehicles. I stressed "setups" more this game, to try them out-- very nice effect. I also gave racers maybe double the amount of distance for Energy that I did the last game-- with great results (more below). This was also the race I introduced THE BAD THINGS table-- what happens to mechanical racers when you fail safety margins and redline them. A nice gang of participants, as usual for these things.
Bob and Cleo
Hanlon, editors of the HMGS newsletter, played two racers a piece, and Don
Hauser adopted the role of the drunken Sergeant O'Rourke with some enthusiasm,
speaking with a brogue for most of the game. Stefan Patajiek played with his
daughter, my first real under-age 10 kid playing in a game I designed with kids
in mind. She wasn't TOO bored, which is gratifying.
The following people participated:
"And a nicer group of folks you would not want to meet"
Hidreema Djeenie (an extreme last-minute entry; thanks a big shout out to Ed Watts for supplying the figure), piloting the Flying Carpet of Baghdad.
Sir Harry Flashman, piloting a Hedley-Bourke pennyfarthing
The Cow Town Temperance Society, running "Booze Kills", the Wind Wagon, piloted by "The Commodore"...
Colonel Hiram Prunesqualor (ret.), piloting Prunesqualor's Peculiar Conveyance (a Steam Wagon nicknamed "The Darning Needle" by the vulgar).
Sergeant Hugh O'Rourke, USA, piloting a Simpson Pennyfarthing (military model). He was inebriated from start to finish.
Professor Osiris Entwhistle, piloting the Entwhistle Steam Trousers.
Count Pencherjevsky, piloting a British Hedley-Bourke pennyfarthing. He was out of the race early.
Major Poniatowski, the Red Lancer of Poland, wielding his 10 foot lance spectacularly (the origin, paranthetically, of the phrase "ten foot pole") on an Italian Giocomo unicycle (cavalry version).
Major Horace Loveless (aka "Luckless", but we'll get into that), piloting a Hedley-Bourke Penny.
Herr Kapitan Kruger, piloting the IGA Clockwork Pennyfarthing.
The Mysterious "Count" from the Rumanian part of the world, piloting a weird conveyance that appears to be drawn by a horde of glowing red-eyed bats. Pale chap. Stayed in the coach most of the time. A tad "off", if you take my meaning.
Finally, M'sieu Le Petomaine, piloting a Mystique Pennyfarthing (civilian version). Reputed to have a spectacularly vulgar talent for making music in a novel way. What would you expect? The French... tch tch tch...
The mob surged forward out of the gate, and bunched up a trifle making the hard turn around the ranch house.
Flash Harry took the opportunity to stick his saber into the spokes of Major Loveless when the Major, the Referee AND the Queen weren't looking. Bad luck, old fellow!! The race turned into a quagmire quickly at Farmer Bob's place. O'Rourke, Le Petomaine and the Red Lancer all stopped for a refreshing beverage of Kickapoo Joy Juice, which gives them some extra EPs once they drink it. To quote Sergeant O'Rourke: "the most efficient place to store this poteen is on the INSIDE, boyo!... glug glug glug glug".
Le Pet did the dastardly and dropped an oil flask (his setup), causing a small slippery patch in a narrow spot (slowing up the rest of the mob). To add to the confusion, the sinister Prussian Hat Kannon team fired at this point, not even hitting the broad side of Farmer Bob's barn. Kapitan Kruger snarled at them ("Du vill PAY vor dis incompetence, I promise du!) as he wheeled on by.
Farmer Bob made some nice coin selling Kickapoo Joy Juice to the Racers, but was fit to be tied when the good ladies of the Temperance Society jumped him and destroyed his still, mid-race (yes, they took a turn to do just that).
Unfortunately, their turn spent following their conscience (lecturing Farmer Bob) was enough to put them right into the Canyon as the Wind Changed-- against them-- and they got stuck there pretty much for the rest of the race.
Kruger attacked with Der Klaw a few times, knocking various hapless racers over. The racers made it through the Canyon of Doom fairly quickly this time around. The Count and the Colonel (Prunesqualor) played a dignified game of Mass-to-Energy conveyance as they fought their way through the Canyon of Doom and over the alkali flats. The Nannies tried to blow people up, but failed, as usual. They did make some rubble happen, but not in a narrow enough spot to effect the race. Der Kapitan, dat dastardly villain, drops an oil flask RIGHT AT a narrowing in the rocks that was hard enough to pass through normally. "Quatsch!" he explains to the winded Referee... "I hatte der Bad Luck und dropped meine oil can back dere. Meine Apologies!"
The Carpet rolled badly, for once, and was far in the rear for most of the race. Loveless was very luckless, knocking HIMSELF off his conveyance twice (in failed balance checks) and BEING knocked off twice in conveyance to conveyance combat. The hapless Major Peddled-to-the-Metal to catch up, in a manful way. Fortunately for both, their multiple M-Class to L-Class ram attempts resulted in nothing more than a few balance checks (all passed) and some displacement. The Count en-COUNT-ered Ethan, The Very Depressed Amish Suicide Bomber towards the end of the Canyon. My grandpa always used to say to me, "Walt, if you're gonna sacrifice yourself in a noble cause, make sure you do it to good effect!" To which I usually responded, "uh, sure, Gramps. Want another red pill?". Ethan, however, should have listened to my Grandpa. He blew up, but he only took out 1 or 2 bats from the Bat Coach-- 'twas all for nought.
Here, you see the impulse to find a "creative shortcut" was starting to take hold on the tail end charlies... You can't see him but Hidreema Djeenie, the Flying Carpet pilot, is searching for a shortcut here.
'Two Heap Friendly Dogs' (my nod to the great old joke about Indian names, cleaned up for the children in the audience) and his war band peppered the count's carriage with arrows. Alas, they did not much else to anyone. They ended up slinking back to the reservation, somewhat, er, "red-faced"...
By this time, a whole mess of racers decided to be Caddish and pulled what I'm starting to call "The Munoz Maneuver"... they cut across the race course-- namely Le Petomaine, Poniatowski, Hidreema Djeenie, and Flash Harry himself. A bad maneuver-- the Ref witnessed it as well as the Queen... and she was NOT amused!
All of these cads were rounded on (eventually) by the referee, and disqualified-- except O'Rourke, that is, who halted at the saloon and disappeared, a happy man.
In a fine display of irony, two QUITE caddish racers were still battling onward; the Count and Der Kapitan, rounding the Church neck in neck with Loveless (who had made some SPECTACULAR gains at huge energy expenditures), Prunesqualor, and the Entwhistle Steam Trousers. Fortunately, Santa (at the church) was good to all GOOD boys and girls and gave Prunesqualor and Loveless some extra EPs.
Displaying a sense of Daring as well as a streak of Luck, Entwhistle had been redlining it ever since getting out of the Canyon of Doom-- three turns in succession. His risks paid off; he was now in contention with Prunesqualor for the lead. Prunesqualor, by contrast, had been rolling VERY well but had been running his conveyance somewhat conservatively-- never redlining it. He threw caution to the wind and stoked up the engine past redline-- only to fail his caution roll and have a Bad Thing happen. So, fifty feet from the finish, Prunesqualor's Conveyance had a spectacular failure-- the Glaubner Traction device failed, shooting a wheel through a plate glass window and spilling the dignified colonel into the mud. A FIX, 1 problem, and the Colonel had already used up his one REPAIR KIT setup in one of his many bumps with the Count's Bat Coach.
Fortunately, he manages a FIX 1 and STILL redlines it over the finish line! Pheeew! FIRST!!!
The Teutonic contingent was yet to be heard from! Der Kapitan uber-wound (the clockwork version of redlining) and managed to pass his caution roll-- zipping past the sweating, begrimed, and thoroughly put-out Loveless. However, he couldn't beat the Count, gamely attempting to suck out his soul using his special bat-power, and the straining Entwhistle Steam Trousers! Entwhistle chugged in next, followed by Loveless, and the Bat Coach.
The rest of the racers either were blatantly cheating (Poniatowski, O'Rourke, Flashman, Djeenie, et al) or so far behind as to make no difference. The Queen bestowed the race medal on Colonel Prunesqualor, and he was cheered three times three. A great time was had by all, if I may modestly make that assertion. Initially, I had some trouble getting players, but once I had explained that this WASN'T a Wild West shoot 'em up game, natural curiousity recruited a bunch of players-- about 8. One of the more gratifying aspects of THIS race was the players getting into their roles-- the player running O'Rourke spoke in a bad Irish Brogue most of the evening, the player running the Temperance Society took his "charter" seriously and lost a turn blowing up a still, and Bob Lebel played his two caddish racers to the hilt-- Snidley Whiplash had nothing on Kapitan Kruger!
Kids don't like this game as much as adults do, oddly enough. I'm disappointed. I rather like the notion of a somewhat non-lethal game that rewards good sportsmanship, but I've noticed the younger they are, the more bloodthirsty. Sigh. Well, back to the drawing board. I needed to address the "no terrain problem" for fliers-- I think I have done that by making them eligible to problems with wind speed and direction, but feel I need to refine this somewhat. The increased distance-to-energy ratios worked like a charm! We finished a race quite handily, ON TIME. However, with the nuances of the game, I doubt I could ever get more than a two lap convention game in. There's only so much you can do in four hours. Players have no problem with the "Munoz Maneuver" (e.g., cutting across the race course). Have to work on a penalty other than "you LOSE" for that one, but it must not be too artificial. I'm pleased with the "Cast of Rogues" that provides the background-- people respond well to something other than "The English Racer" or "the Chinese Racer", and the gang who played on Saturday jumped into their roles with gusto and glee! Don Hauser even had ME (more Irish than Paddy's pig) talking with a broad Irish drawl by end of evening. It is to laugh! (titter titter titter)... Anyhoo, thanks for reading this far, if you've suffered through it. I had a very positive reaction to this session, and will definitely run it again!
I've learned you need to stand about 3 feet back with these stupid disposable cameras... but I didn't know that when I ran the race. So be forgiving about the quality of the pictures, if you please... particularly this one, an attempt at a closeup of my new model, the Entwhistle Steam Trousers.
